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I had a small meltdown last night about my lists. I was worrying about using up my apples, engineering our Halloween costumes, using the veggies that we bought at the farmersapos; market - including pumpkin needing cooked down, cleaning my house before guests arrive, making a grocery list, taking care of my dog and husband, and dealing with work crap.

And when I type it all out, I donapos;t feel so bad about being stressed.

My base stress level is still high, but since I used up all the remaining apples in a couple pies (one with caramel bits - itapos;s delicious) and went on a successful grocery hunt tonight, Iapos;m not quite so frazzled. A slice of nearly-straight-from-the-oven pie was my reward for completing piece 2 of 5 for my costume. Piece 3 is a little done, as is piece 4. Piece 5 shouldnapos;t be terribly difficult, since Iapos;ve made it before in other colors and fabrics. I think I even have all the makeup Iapos;ll need.

I think that Iapos;ve planned out enough meals to use up the veggies. Iapos;m going to give roasting parsnips, carrots, and potatoes a try. Iapos;ve never tried to do actual oven-roasting, but I have olive oil, fresh rosemary, and kosher salt, so I think Iapos;m probably good to go. Not sure which day will be spaghetti squash day, but it should be this week. Same for pumpkin day - I need to get some more pumpkin done so that my sister and I can make whiskey-laced pumpkin cake. Mmmm.

Iapos;ve kind of decided that Iapos;m going to not worry about the house. It comes at the bottom of the list. Iapos;ll try to keep up with some of the low time-intensive maintenance, but I canapos;t let it add to the things that are dragging me down. Same goes for work. I need my eyelid to stop twitching, so Iapos;m trying to avoid as much stress there as possible.

Mapos;eh. Iapos;m feeling decently accomplished right now and my drugs have kicked in, so I think I should go to bed. Iapos;ve listened to my new favorite song about 10 times and have a pretty good idea on how the dancingapos;s going to go.

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How could anyone expect Ritchie, a macho man who is fond of the pub and likes to shoot pheasant, to dine contentedly every night on quinoa grains and organic vegetable dumplings?

Meat is only very occasionally present on the menu. The only exception to this was at their country estate, Ashcombe House, in Wiltshire, where Guy was allowed to serve a full breakfast to shooting parties - even including such fat filled items as steak-and-kidney pie.

(Madonna thought this kind of food so foul that she would leave the room in disgust when it arrived and sip reproachfully at her bowl of Japanese miso soup.)




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01) Are you currently in a serious relationship? in my head, yea.
02) What was your dream growing up?� i donapos;t remember.
03) What talent do you wish you had?� none that i canapos;t ask for.
04) If I bought you a drink what would it be?� tall w/ no ice.
05) Favorite vegetable?� artichoke hearts
06) What was the last book you read?� Abbaapos;s Child
07) What zodiac sign are you?� Gemini
08) Any Tattoos and/or Piercings? Explain where. Sleeve upper right arm of space scene, praying hands for my grandfather on left upper arm, sacred heart on my back from H2O album cover, angel and devil sparrow to the left and right of the heart.� going to get several tattoos in honor of Callie.
09) Worst Habit?� picking my nose
10) If you saw me walking down the street would you offer me a ride? yes
11) What is your favorite sport?� college football
12) Do you have a Pessimistic or Optimistic attitude?� optimistic
13) What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me?� talk about religion
14) Worst thing to ever happen to you?� hear my wife passed away.� but sheapos;s home now w/ God.
15) Tell me one weird fact about you.� i have one extra long middle finger knuckle hair
16) Do you have any pets? no
17) What if I showed up at your house unexpectedly?� iapos;d let you in.
18) What was your first impression of me?� of who?
19) Do you think clowns are cute or scary?� cute.
20) If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be? one eye lazy.
21) Would you be my crime partner or my conscience? conscience.
22) What color eyes do you have? hazel.
23) Ever been arrested?� yes.
24) Bottle or can soda?� bottle
25) If you won $10,000 today, what would you do with it? pay off a loan, invest.
26) Favorite band to listen to when youapos;re mad? Hillsong United
27) Whatapos;s your favorite place to hang out at? my house
28) Do you believe in ghosts? sure
29) Favorite thing to do in your spare time? play guitar, write.
30) Do you swear a lot? not much anymore.
31) Biggest pet peeve? no turn signals.
32) In one word, how would you describe yourself? faithful
33) Do you believe/appreciate romance? yes
34) Favourite and least favourite food? fav: fume salad, least: sweet potato
35) Do you believe in God? you bet I do.
36) Will you repost this so I can fill it out and do the same for you? sure.� but, who are you?

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I wish for good results but i put in so little effort.
i wish for good friends but i put in so little effort.
i wish to have small hips but i put in so little effort.
i wish to go to heaven why i die but i put in so little effort to not talk during mass.

i wish i would stop putting in so little effort in every aspect of my life.

i think my wrong answers for my science practical exam today just killed all my hopes.
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Iapos;m not in a good mood today. I think it might be the rain thatapos;s intensifying everything, but I�feel awful. Emotionally, physically, mentally. Iapos;m just exhausted. Tuckered out, and I still have another day left. Granted, I�donapos;t have much work to accomplish for school in the next day, but Iapos;m still tired. Work exhausts me.

Iapos;m just in one of those moods
where I feel like my lungs are filling up with some sort of liquid
and itapos;s starting to drown me
and I�just worry about everything
and it keeps me awake at night
then my head starts to ache
and the only way I can fall asleep
is if I take something

but I�wake up
and I still feel awful
I donapos;t have an appetite
and everything�feels the same
and I�hate it.




I just want to go home and sleep, for what itapos;s worth.

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Love is a lost word i dont understand anymore, i feel lost and emotionless, a "robot". I hate that word, how can you discribe someone as a robot when they love you with all their heart. Love is an emotion right.� my mind is confused but my heart knows what it wants. I stop to think and forget to start again, I wanna get high again. I used to be able, just to relax, and forget everything, drugs are so powerful when your powerless. I lie i cheat and steal, my life is moving fast and i just want to put it on hold, I think? i really dont know anymore.i used to have fun, used to have friends, and used to hate myself.� i fell in the flame of love, it burns to deepest of my soul. It hurts. I wish i could take some things back that i said in the past, i wish i never drank, or did coke. I wish time was like the past, boring but still fun. I miss school, and friends. "maybe you picked the wrong one" oh my god I wish a had a definite for that one. God i love her but i dont know. Im so stuck right now, should i give up somethin great for something unknown. I think i should be happy, I just wish i was happy.

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Today while running up and down the stairs for odac training,i slipped and fell down 4 steps and sprained my ankle.
both sides of the ankle i might add.
so they are swollen to the size of a lemon and blue black.
I CAN CRY I DONapos;T THINK I CAN GO FOR THE JOB INTERVIEW TMR GODDAMMIT.
its really upsetting cause i was looking forward to working with wanfong and this job seems so cool :(
anyways thank you shafina and wanfong for piggybacking me all the way from the odac room to the concourse although iapos;m like 2 times heavier than you guys.

hurts damn bad hurts almost as bad as cramps hurts like really bad and the parents all lying gulit on me for making them run around finding a clinic to go to.as if i wanted to get injured..
hate you all right now.

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Hello everybody =)�

I just thought of this diet plan thing and i want to know if you think this would be effective or not.

i donapos;t know for how long tho,

Breakfast: carrots or nothing(�i donapos;t really like breakfast)
Lunch: a couple carrots and a couple pieces of a tomato
Dinner: A half of a pepper.

i am 15, 5"5" and weigh 144lbs.

I�also have school basketball everynight either a game or a practice,
and i work out on the treadmill at home for an hour and a half and i will most likely start doing some crunches every night.

thanks, :)�

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Last night I went to Slight Askew Theatre Ensembleapos;s (SATEapos;s) three-hour training session in Suzuki and Viewpoints. I think itapos;s the best thing Iapos;ve ever done for myself theatrically. Iapos;ve missed Suzuki SO�MUCH. Meredith taught bits of it in Acting 1 and in Advanced Scene Study, and itapos;s always been so hard for me, which means itapos;s one of the best things I can be doing.�Itapos;s so concerned with form, precision, and discipline, which is GREAT for an actor who doesnapos;t use her body as well as she should. And Iapos;ve never done anything with Viewpoints before, but I think itapos;s the perfect Suzuki companion practice. Again, itapos;s an excellent training method for me, because itapos;s all about freedom and following impulses without hesitation, which is hard for me. I like to censor and watch myself, and Viewpoints makes you let go of that censorship and pushes you to get out of your head and connect with your gut and with the other people onstage with you. Between the ridiculously intense physical warm-up for half an hour, lots and lots of sun salutations, Suzuki walks, marches and tekkaten "Hamlet and Ophelia exercises," and then Viewpoints lanes and grids, it was three hours of training heaven. The group is so committed, and SUCH�A�STRONG�ENSEMBLE. Thatapos;s the dream. Thatapos;s what Iapos;ve always wanted to be a part of. I canapos;t wait to go back next Monday, and to see their currently running show this weekend.

I think maybe the best part of it was having my brain shut off for three hours. Because Iapos;m so mental over physical, extreme physical exertion like that takes all my focus and concentration just to get through it, so I canapos;t be constantly thinking and evaluating and taking mental notes. Energy is diverted from my brain to my body so I can do what I need to do. For the last couple of days, I feel like my brain has been going faster and faster without my permission. Iapos;m talking to myself. A lot. Like, more than usual, to the point that Iapos;ll be in the middle of talking to myself and then say to myself, "Fuck Just shut up already" and start fighting aloud with myself. Itapos;s been freaking me out a bit, because I feel like I donapos;t have the kind of control of myself that Iapos;m used to having. Training last night made all of that fade away for a while, and I could just breathe and work and enjoy the here and now. Even on the drive home, though, I could feel my head running away from me again. I donapos;t know how to deal with that. Iapos;ll have to talk to Dr. Taggert about it at our session tomorrow.

On a side note, Far and Away is a much better, much funnier movie that I would ever have expected from only having seen the first 15 minutes of it. Man, does it take off after that. Excellent choice for last night.

I like making myself get up early Tuesdays and Thursdays to eat breakfast with Casey before he leaves at 6:45. It means I can get to work by 7:30, take a half hour lunch and leave by 4 (or work through and leave at 3:30) and still have a full eight-hour day. Nice.

Note to brain: Be quiet. Iapos;m working.

Very sincerely,
DK


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